Surving the First Week of 'Online University'
Everything about university feels so familiar yet SO different, for example, seminars are bound to be awkward in the first week when no one is comfortable yet but online seminars take this to a whole NEW level. I really do feel for the seminar leaders AND the students - on the one hand, you want to engage in the seminar like nothings changed because at the end of the day the seminar leader didn't make the learning go online and at the end of the day they lose out too. But at the same time, talking feels so UNCOMFORTABLE, it's hard to read people's reactions to what you say and that level of comfortability and intimacy just isn't there anymore - people have the option to sit in complete silence with their mic on mute and camera off and its not that abnormal. Whereas for me, volunteering to talk in seminars used to feel fun and interactive it now just feels like a chore or something I do out of guilt because no one is talking. I hope seminars get better as time goes along because we have to be able to adapt to the situation we are in because it's not going away anytime soon - I understand it's hard to speak (I sit there nervously laughing, for the most part, gearing myself up for when it's my turn to talk) but I hope we can all break through the awkward barrier of ice soon!
I also especially sympathise with the international cohort of students who are, because of COVID-19, not currently at university and have to juggle the different timezones and isolation away from other students. I feel a little trapped with online learning, it's not like last year where you could sit in a lecture hall and chat before the lecture begins (I didn't realise how much I'd miss something as small and insignificant as that) or go to the library and perform the ritual of getting a costa and booking a study room with friends - or even just see other faces when I'm walking around campus... But I can't imagine how international students feel right now, I'm on campus twice a term for Michaelmas and that isn't a lot BUT its something. Luckily, my department run a lot of social events AND most societies are online so there are chances to socialise.. but just very different ones.
Lectures feel very different too... my lectures are now uploaded in around 3-4 small clips to a moodle page. The content feels a lot heavier now and I think it's because during the 1-hour recording there's no interruption from student interaction. Don't get me wrong lectures are nothing like seminars in terms of interaction but you do always get the one person who likes to talk OR segments where lecturers might get you to answer a straw poll or discuss an idea in pairs briefly. All of the things I've listed so far are things I took for granted and without them, I'm starting to feel very lonely very quickly (despite living with friends).
I have been trying to make an effort to hang out with my sociology friends this week but because of COVID-19 we do it in small groups rather than hanging out with everyone at once - its been fun BUT socialisation now too feels exhausting. I barely saw anyone during my 6 month period at home, and even when I did sit outside socially distancing from neighbours for a chat I always felt emotionally distant. Don't get me wrong hanging out with people AND learning is very fun, I enjoy it a lot but this massive break has rendered me tired from things that previously wouldn't tire me out at all - and for this blog, I'd like to be honest.
All in all, I'd say this week summed up in one word has just been tiring. Not bad nor good, just exhausting. But I am hopeful that once I get back into the swing of things, uni will feel doable again... I was like this at the start of first year, I just dived straight into work without any ease and I've done the same this year but for other reasons, it's felt extraordinarily tiring. Anyways - here's to learning cool stuff (excited for next week as two of my modules are about Marx!!!!!!!!!!!)
-Fiona :)
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